We all strive to be in a perfect relationship. However, as many people and movies teach us, it’s not always sunshine and happiness. There are going to be times when you and your significant other get into a quarrel.
You en-grain it into your mind that fights are reasonable for a healthy couple. But as the arguments become more and more frequent, you start to convince yourself more and more. Looking into all of the good he’s shown you and thinking that this fight is going to be the last one.
Before you know it, you’re diving headfirst into a toxic relationship. We all know love is blind, but enough is enough. Here are four signs that you’re in a toxic relationship and how you leave one when you start noticing them.
Subjectivity of Toxicity
We always think we’d know what is toxic when we see it. We think that signs of toxicity are apparent even though it’s a lot more complicated. Because deeming something as “toxic” isn’t as easy as calling something hot and cold.
This is because what we consider toxic varies from person to person. These different standards of what is toxic and bearable make spotting toxic relationships easy for outsiders.
The subjectivity factor has to be considered, which is why you can’t rule out something toxic when you don’t know the extent of the relationship. You have to understand the nature of both people enough to deem something as their toxic trait.
However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t universal signs of toxicity.
Feeling Like You’re Wearing Glass Slipper
If they’re unpredictable and have an ego about as fragile as glass, that’s already a huge red flag. The feeling of having to be mindful of what you say in fear of them getting upset is a big sign that you should leave them.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, healthy discourse should be practiced, and you shouldn’t be afraid of what you tell them. Communication is essential, and if you have to sacrifice proper communication, not accidentally to anger them, you should leave them immediately.
Violence and Manipulation
This should be an obvious one. However, abuse victims don’t see that they’re being abused because of emotional manipulation. If you’re in a relationship where you get consistently hit and hurt when your partner is having a bad day, that’s far from healthy.
Violence and manipulation are two things that should never be romanticized or given a second thought. No, they’re not hurting you because they love you. They’re hurting you because they’re abusive and emotionally manipulative.
If the relationship is healthy, you shouldn’t worry about being hit, regardless of whether your partner is having a bad day or not. If you’re being abused, seek help or leave your partner immediately.
Undermining your Achievements/Holding you Back
Celebrating each other’s achievements and lifting each other up is the primary goal of any couple. Whenever you achieve something, may it be big or small, your partner should congratulate you or give you praise.
However, when they undermine your achievements, tell you it isn’t a big deal, hold you back, or even degrade you – that’s a huge red flag. Being mocked or degraded instead of being praised for your achievement can hit your self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem.
If your partner controls everything you do, the people you hang out with, your call, texts, and even your finances? That’s not something you should be shrugging off as them being cautious or jealous. That’s an incredibly toxic trait.
The value of freedom is equal to the value of trust when you’re in a relationship. You were both separate individuals before you got together; they don’t have the right to control you.
What Do You Do After?
If you notice that the relationship you’re currently in is toxic, you have many ways to deal with them. The main two are either you get professional help, or you leave them. If you think you can save it through counseling, I don’t see why that can’t happen. However, if it’s one that’s far from being fixed, leave them, and prioritize your happiness.
Love makes us see the world through rose-tinted glasses, and before you realize it, the red flags start turning into regular flags.
Love shouldn’t always be blind, make sure you don’t sacrifice all of your desire to a person who won’t do the same.